For my little man, on his BIRTHDAY!
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Dear Sawyer –
Happy first birthday, Bean! Bean – do you know how you got that nickname? Your Daddy and I picked out your name around the time you were the size of a Bean in Mama’s tummy. Since everyone else already knew that you were going to be a little man, we figured we’d at least keep SOMETHING a surprise – your name. A little secret that only me and your Daddy knew. And to keep ourselves from slipping and telling everyone else, we referred to you (lovingly) as Bean for 9 months. But some things never change – and you will always, ALWAYS be my baby Bean.
How in the heck did we get here? How is it that we’ve already arrived at your first birthday? I can’t believe it. Exactly one year ago – February 22, 2011 – you were placed in my arms and our lives were changed forever. For months we had counted down your arrival, waiting for you (tirelessly!) to enter our lives. And now you were here! Staring up at us with those gorgeous blue eyes — What were we supposed to do with you now? I remember feeling so incredibly overwhelmed — but finally complete. You filled a hole in my heart that I never knew existed until I met you on that beautiful morning.
I did my job keeping you warm and safe (four days past your due date), and now you were there–exposed. For 365 days, I’ve been by your side. In the beginning, it was a blur. You spared no expense breaking us in as new parents. From our first “shower” together (me and Daddy trying to change your diaper, soaked in your pee) to finally learning how to stay dry during a diaper change – even if we do have to follow you around the house, we learned valuable lessons. Lessons like “never wake a sleeping baby,” and “your father definitely can’t survive on less than five hours of sleep at night.” You taught us that sometimes the most expensive baby gear often goes unused and to always carry not one but at least three changes of clothes. Who knew poop could make its way into an infant’s neck folds?
We never once questioned our ability as your parents. Sure we may not be Masters of parenting, and we certainly aren’t the perfect parents. But without a doubt, we are the perfect parents for YOU. In a way, you made it so simple for us. Fiercely independent from the beginning, you led us. We followed your cues and we quickly learned more about you and each other in those early weeks than we had learned in our five years of marriage. Where I am strong, sometimes your Daddy is weak. Where I am weak, he is strong. And with you, Sawyer? We’ve created a perfect balance. Sometimes I think that life can’t get any better than this — but then it does.
Your Dad and I love you so much, Sawyer. We are so proud of you and we cannot imagine our lives without you. Just what did we spend all our time worrying about before you were here? Each day, after we have tucked you in bed and kissed you goodnight, your Daddy and I often talk about how magnificent you are. Some days we sit and marvel at your cuteness. Other times we boast about your accomplishments. Still other nights, we lay in bed and just gush about our love for you. You are the light of our lives – you singlehandedly have made us a family and we would not be whole without you.
Even before you were born, your Daddy and I have wished the best for you. From countless hours at coffee shops reading through product reviews to make sure we got the best of the best — to searching for the perfect house to bring you home to. Above all, we hoped and prayed that you’d inherit the best of both of us. You’ve most certainly inherited your Daddy blue eyes. It’s often the first thing that people notice about you. You’ve inherited my strong will, although some may mistake this trait for stubbornness. Don’t worry, though, they’re wrong 
Regardless, you know what you want and with intense determination and dedication, you go after it. You are fearless, inquisitive and compassionate. Your fearlessness has been both a blessing and a curse. I know that it will serve you well as you get older, but as for now? It’s been difficult to teach you that you cannot fly, the stairs are not for playing and that attempting to climb the kitchen walls and stove will only result in scraped noses and bumped foreheads.
I never thought I would be that emotional Mom who cried on the eve of her baby’s first birthday. I’m normally so much cooler than that. But I guess you never know the kind of mom you’re going to be until you are one. These tears I’m crying are not sad, regretful tears by any means. They are tears born from the utmost happiness and thankfulness that I’ve been blessed with the chance…the opportunity…the privilege to be a Mommy. And not just anyone’s Mommy. Your Mommy. Because of you I don’t worry anymore about where I will be in 5 years, or what will I be doing by then. I know what I want to be. I am where I am supposed to be. And that is being your Mommy.
Thank you for making us a family and for making us more than husband and wife, but now Mommy and Daddy.
Thank you for reminding us to take it slower, to love more, laugh more and learn more. We hope we can continue to teach you these important life lessons as you grow older.
My birthday wish for you is quite simple – to be happy. No matter who you become, we will love you. Don’t ever do anything for someone else, including us, if it’s not what you want to do for yourself. You are going to be so great, my dear boy. You are already the best thing we’ve ever done.
Happy Birthday, Beanie.
Smothering you with kisses until you push me away,
Mommy xo
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