STTN

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Who knew there’d be so many acronyms to learn upon becoming a parent?

Sleeping through the night.

we. are. not.

Negative. Not happening. Failure.

My awesome sleep training? Oh, it’s workin’ alright — on ME. Boy has got me wrapped around his little finger.

We had made so much progress, too! The little man had become a crib-napping champion and was going down with ease only waking once or twice. But after being sick and sleeping on mommy (and her crumbling bones) for three nights straight, we went back to square one.

Bottom line — and I know this is controversial, and I know that it’s the tried and true  ”way to do it.” — I do not believe in traditional cry-it-out methods and I will not do them. Ever.

What I hate so much about the whole “sleeping though the night concept” is that it makes moms feel like sh*t. Like I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m incapable. Like I’m letting my baby develop poor sleeping habits. Like I’m enabling him. Like I haven’t tried 2875 methods. Like I don’t stick to the same bedtime routine — we do! Like I don’t put him down at an early enough hour — we do!

What is so magical about “sleeping through the night?” and why does it make the mommies who just aren’t there yet feel less-than-adequate?

I mean, how can we expect our little guy to sleep through the night when I can’t even sleep through the night? I get up to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, turn over, take off a layer of clothing, etc. The difference? I’m an adult. An adult in a cozy bed sleeping next to the man I love. I wonder how well I would sleep if someone plopped me in a crib with nothing but a fitted mattress sheet (no blankets! SIDS! no stuffed animals! SIDS!) and expected me to “sleep thought the night.”

People, I am tired. I am broken. I feel helpless and at times I feel like I’m failing as a mommy. I spend HOURS scouring the interwebs looking for new suggestions, glimpses of magical hope — Nada.

I guess I share this with you because I want other moms out there who are going through the same thing to know that you are not alone.

Society leads us to believe that if our kid isn’t sleeping through the night by 6 months of age we are doing something wrong. I’m sorry, but if responding to my little guy when he’s red-faced and screaming with crocodile tears running down his face is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

So instead — I forge on. Instead, I lay down on the floor next to his crib and sing him songs as he looks at me and cries. I rub his back as he squirms around, trying to grab onto my clothing. And when he falls asleep standing up in his crib with his head in his hands, I gingerly lay him down, resisting the urge to snap a photo. I then relax with my husband for a few hours and go to bed early, knowing I’ll be repeating the same thing 3-4 more times — 2, if I’m lucky.

So to the other moms who’s littles are NOT STTN — you are not alone ;) Let’s all send each other good vibes while our backs give out and our vocal chords develop nodules from signing 2380 too many renditions of “sing a song of sixpense” and “twinkle twinkle” tonight, OK?

Motherhood isn’t always glamorous (actually, when is it EVER glamorous?). We don’t know what we’re doing 98% percent of the time. But we learn — we adapt — and we make do. And we drink lots of Snapple.

 

 

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I put a phone call into my pediatrician this morning with the hope that he’ll have some magical spell and prescribe a potion of frog’s breath, stardust and milk from the milky way. I’ll let you know how that goes ;)

 

 

 

 

20 Responses to “STTN”

  1. Nikki Flores said:

    I am sooooo glad that you did this post. As a fellow mommy who’s trying to get my little one to sleep through the night, I feel your pain! Literally. I don’t believe in cry-it-out methods either. But we try everything. From singing to rocking, to giving a bottle or water, to letting her fall asleep on one of us…ANYTHING to help her sleep so WE can sleep. We’ll get through it!

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  2. britni b said:

    i love this.
    and you.

    thank you

    Posted on | Reply
  3. kimi said:

    Hang in there. My son did not STTN until 10 months. And after that it was spotty. We had to rock him to sleep until he was over a year. Then one day like magic it just started happening. Give him his pacifier and lovely puppy, plop him in the crib and he’s go to sleep. There’s no skill involved, you aren’t doing anything wrong. Kids are different. Your time will come. That doesn’t make it any easier now, but as usual with babies “this too shall pass”.

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  4. Ann said:

    Oh I’m feeling you…Same story here! We will survive :)

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  5. Courtney said:

    You are not alone! Unfortunately, babies’ and toddlers’ sleeping patterns change constantly and it has more to do with the development stage that they are in than anything you or any singing of a song 50 million times could do :) And don’t let anyone convince you or try to talk you into a certain method that you don’t feel comfortable with or doesn’t feel right for you or your child. My son is 2 1/2 and still wakes up once in a blue moon or just feels like he needs a little soothing from mommy to fall asleep. Please know it does get better and that there are tons of us out here that are or have been in the same boat. My mom told me to just tell myself “This too shall pass.” I do it every single day and count my blessings. This too shall pass for you as well :) And just think, when he’s a teenager you will most likely be trying to WAKE him up :)

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  6. HasntSleptIn5Years said:

    My son is 5 and is still not STTN – HA! I have read every article, talked to his doctor, read the books, tried all the tricks. But every night he gets up, shambles in my bedroom stands there watching me sleep until I wake up (yes creepy I know) and walk him back to bed. I have tried everything short of strapping him to the bed.

    Still hoping “he’ll grow out of it”….le sigh

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  7. Diana @ frontyardfoodie said:

    I have a moderate view on crying it out….

    After he stopped night feedings (around 9mo) I definitely did allow him to self sooth. So if he woke up at night I’d go in there, give him his paci and stuffed animal (I’m not super paranoid about SIDS) and lay him down saying something like ‘Go back to sleep bud, it’s not time to get up.’ and then I’d leave the room. If he cried, I’d let him cry for a little bit before going back in and doing the same thing.

    He now sleeps 12+ hours a night and never stirs unless he’s sick or teething or something.

    Posted on | Reply
    • thedailybalance said:

      this is the approach we have been taking — unfortunately my presence seems to drive him insane — like I’m teasing him ;( The Mister has been much more effective – yay Daddy!

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  8. Suzanne said:

    My heart is bursting and I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for this! I know it will eventually happen for all of us and that we aren’t bad parents, but all I feel like all I ever hear about are these babies who are sleeping through the night at like 2 weeks old and I want to punch them. Motherhood is trial by fire and we will survive.

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  9. Emily @LivingLongfellow said:

    I’m not a parent, but I can only only imagine how difficult this is. Just by posting this it’s clear how much you love your baby and are concerned. Keep doing what you’re doing, and it will improve. I read a thing on interest today that said something like, ‘it will eventually get better, maybe not immediately, but it will eventually.’

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  10. Amy said:

    I completely understand how you feel and where you are coming from! My 1 year old is up 3-4 times a night and we have tried everything. We too do not believe in CIO so we are up with him. Keep pressing on and believe in my mantra ” Someday he WILL sleep through the night!”

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  11. Candis said:

    My method was similar to Diana’s. I never want to hear Kyla cry. I have to admit she is a pretty good sleeper but she goes through phases. We went through a time when she would get up every night and I ended up putting her in bed with us (which I thought I would never ever do. Ha!) It became a habit though. So I started just going in her room every time she would cry, give her a hug and lay her back down. There were nights I did this probably 20 times in a row. It worked because she never cried very hard and she learned I wasn’t going to take her out of her crib in the middle of the night.

    Now, we still have an occasional bad night but she’s a baby and it’s expected.

    Things will change for you. I’ve learned everything is a phase.

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  12. Courtney said:

    Shannon, I love your honesty. It’s so nice to hear a true approach to sleeping. We co-sleep so our situation is a little different as he does his fussing and crying in our bed, but it’s tough to be woken 3-4 times a night no matter where you sleep. I keep saying that my job as a parent is to love him and make him feel secure. You seem to be doing a wonderful job of that and your baby is one lucky little boy to have such a great mama!

    Posted on | Reply
  13. Benny said:

    Cry it out

    In just a few nights you will both be magically sleeping through the night

    Posted on | Reply

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