Confessions of a Pregnant Woman

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To all the women who have gotten all doe-eyed in front of me, while rambling on and on how “WONDERFUL!” it is to be pregnant, like “seriously, the most beautiful time, enjoy, enjoy enjoy it!”: I’d like to invite you over my house tomorrow at 7:00 a.m.

I plan on going out tonight and purchasing a rifle. And you lovely ladies can help me with my target practice.

Pregnancy sucks.

Those women who think it’s “so lovely” are LIARS! I’m convinced that they were just so incredibly miserable, that they want to sucker others into their misery bubble. Either that, or they are attention whores who took advantage of their pregnancy.

I’m sorry, but please tell me how the Little squishing my innards, not being able to sleep at night, expanding like a balloon, having to take fiber pills to poop, waking up every morning with bloody snot and living in fear that my boobs will NEVER be the same is beautiful?

Let me put it to you all gently. For the past few nights I have been listening to music just to make it through the night and *hopefully* log 5 hours of sleep (when I’m not waking up to pee, of course). My musical selection? 98 Degrees Holiday Album. I. Kid. You. Not.

Don’t worry — I use headphones. (I’m not that cruel to the Mister)

Why 98 Degrees you ask? Well all of my favorite bands aren’t exactly soothing. Sure, they pump out a few ballads here and there, but after multiple occurrences of getting jarred awake by an electric guitar, drums or bass, I knew I had to change it up. And the 98 degrees Xmas album was the only solution I could think of.

If the Little’s first words are “jingle bells,” you’ll all know why.

I have GOT to download some Enya.

In the meantime, as you all are sleeping soundly and waking up bright and early to get in your morning jogs and yoga sessions (did I mention I can’t even bend over anymore?), just be grateful you’re not hobbling around the block hoping that you make it home in time to 1.) pee and 2.) blow the curdling blood out of your nose.

In just a few weeks, I’ll be starting the third trimester — that’s supposedly when things get “tricky.” Because, you know, they’ve been such a piece of cake.

Dear God, help me.

Send help…or cupcakes. Or 98 Degrees.

Dear Little: Mommy loves you ;)

30 Responses to “Confessions of a Pregnant Woman”

  1. VeggieGirl said:

    Let’s go for one of our long gossip walks soon – maybe that’ll help?? xoxo

    Posted on | Reply
  2. Cleshopaholic said:

    Thank you for not sugar-coating it ; ) seriously though, you have my sympathies. I turn into massive B when I don’t get at least 6 hours of sleep so kudos for keeping it together!

    Posted on | Reply
  3. thedailybalance said:

    ha! you can def count on my for never sugar-coating ;)

    at least my struggles could provide entertainment, or pehaps a few laughs for others.

    Posted on | Reply
  4. thedailybalance said:

    my=me — but you knew that ;)

    Posted on | Reply
  5. marci said:

    you have me laughing hysterically over here! beautifully written — although i do feel your pain!

    Posted on | Reply
  6. Lindsay @ The Ketchup Diaries said:

    I can only imagine! Love your honesty!!

    Posted on | Reply
  7. Sarah for Real said:

    Non-creepy stranger hugs across the internet to you! I’ve never had children but I hear the women that say they love being pregnant and I have to wonder… Really??? I’m with you on this one.

    Posted on | Reply
  8. kristin said:

    oh man. this sounds TERRIBLE. i have zero advice for you since im childless! 98 degrees holiday album made me laugh out loud though :)

    Posted on | Reply
  9. verenis said:

    very nice written, but its just the beginning.welcome to joys of motherhood :D

    Posted on | Reply
  10. glidingcalm said:

    i feel like an idiot!! had no idea you were preggers!!!!!!!!!!! SO EXCITED FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Posted on | Reply
  11. Alicia at Poise in Parma said:

    I will continue to believe that we were separated at birth. The 98 degrees CD is my FAVORITE holiday album of all time. I also love the honesty about the pregnancy – it’s well worth it in the long run :)

    Posted on | Reply
  12. Roberta said:

    Poor kiddo! The exciting news is that the middle trimester is the best part of pregnancy…enjoy whilst yea may.
    And for the best part…the Little will then grow up and ask what you ever did for them. : )

    Hang in there beautiful lady–there is a beautiful gift at the end of all this fun you will fall in love with for the rest of your life!

    Regards to the Mister.

    Posted on | Reply
  13. Diana @ frontyardfoodie said:

    Hey lady, I feel ya. Even though I really enjoyed pregnancy until week 31, I was sick until week 24, got HORRIBLE heartburn at week 28……started losing serious sleep at 31 and pulled my groin muscle week 32. My little pumpkin didn’t come on time either, nope, he cooked an extra eight days.

    I feel like pregnancy wasn’t awful for me compared to others but I think once week 31 came I was done. Before that, I was having a good time despite the symptoms but once I got there I suffered.

    It’s worth it though, TRUST ME!

    Posted on | Reply
  14. Liz said:

    Dude, thanks for the honesty. Women look at me like I’m insane when I say I assume pregnancy would suck. (though I am no fun when my hormones are off, so that’s also factoring into my opinion – my body’s pretty sensitive to that)

    Posted on | Reply
  15. Becky said:

    I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so bad!

    However, I do have to say though, I suffer from endometriosis (when the lining of the uterus sits in other areas of the pelvic regions) meaning I’m in lot of pain (a LOT of pain), before my period, during ovulation and any other time my body feels like having me bend over in pain. Many women with endometriosis do feel a lot better during pregnancies since their symptoms are completely gone, and my grandmother (who probably suffered from endometriosis, though it was before it became normal to be diagnosed) always said she found it easy to be pregnant.

    I hope you’ll feel better soon though, and soon the baby will be with you and it’ll all be worth it, God Willing.

    Posted on | Reply
  16. thedailybalance said:

    thank you, everyone! xo

    Posted on | Reply
  17. Sassy Molassy said:

    For the record, I have that cd and I bust it out every christmas. I do love it no matter how lame others think it is. :)

    Posted on | Reply
  18. Good Taste. Healthy Me said:

    I really needed to see something like this and I’m so glad you posted it. I’m sorry things have been so rough for you but it did make me laugh!

    Posted on | Reply
  19. Lin said:

    There is no shame in liking 98 degrees. I’ll admit that I jam to “The Hardest Thing” once in awhile :-) .

    Posted on | Reply
  20. Sarmah said:

    Oh my gosh, thank you for posting this! I’m pregnant right now also (31 weeks tomorrow) and I thought I was the only one that didn’t “enjoy” pregnancy. Everytime I have to get up at 3 a.m.to pee or roll over because my hips are killing me I just remind myself it’s not going to last forever, and when Baby is born, I’ll know it was worth it. :) Also,I can say Baby needs the Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream.

    Posted on | Reply
  21. Try it – Doug Maverick (music giveaway) | The Daily Balance said:

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  22. Lennongirl said:

    I really cannot understand how someone that wants a baby could ever write something like this. I don’t mean to sound all preachy, I take your word for it that pregnancy can be difficult at times, but do you have any clue how much you have to be grateful for? And how disrespectful this post is to the 1 out of every 10 women who would give ANYTHING to have the “problems” you’re having now, just to be able to have a baby at the end of it?

    Posted on | Reply
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  24. OhioGirl said:

    I agree with Lennongirl – yes pregnancy can be difficult, but you should be grateful instead of complaining, it seems like you are not even enjoying pregnancy – that is the time you are supposed to bond and connect with your child.

    Posted on | Reply
  25. Mason said:

    Unblievable, catty women trying to bring someone down. Not everyone LOVES pregnancy (my wife didn’t) and it has nothing to do with the bond they have with their child or mother they’ll be. If anything, I admire them more. And you should admire Shannon for keeping a good attitude through all of it and making light of a hard situation. You shouldn’t say things you don’t know anything about and the last thing you should do is attack a new mother. Shame on both of you.

    Posted on | Reply
  26. Sarmah said:

    Wow, ohiogirl, lennongirl.. I don’t know if either of you have ever been pregnant, but it’s no walk in the park (one of the many things I can’t do right now because of my 8 month pregnant body). The first three months, vomiting, nausea, fatigue, always having to go to the bathroom, and in my ca case breaking out so bad it’s like junior high all over again. Last three months, same things all over again, plus your middle being so big you can’t do things you used to take for granted: put on your shoes with out assistance, be able to pick up things you drop, roll over in bed without it being a production. Yes, these things won’t matter after we give birth (another things some women say they love, and I’m dreading). But the fact is right now, Shannon, myself, and thousands of women are going through these things and the other not so pleasant symptoms of pregnancy. Women that want to have children but cannot are not envious of these things, so pregnant women should not have to apologize for stating the fact they are miserable and ranting every once in a while. Also, it’s Shannon’s blog, I doubt she posted this to intentionally offend anyone. If nothing else, this post comforted me because I’m going through the same thing. So thanks again, Shannon, and know you’re not the only one who feels this way sometimes! (p.s. sorry for the long rambly-ness of the post. I blame the hormones)

    Posted on | Reply
  27. stephanie said:

    To those with the negative comments…talking about the crappy side of pregnancy is not indicative of her excitement about having a child. I’ve never even been pregnant and understand that. Also, call me crazy, but the real bonding and connecting with the child happens once it’s out of the womb, not in.

    Shannon, you are one of the cutest pregnant ladies I’ve ever seen. Based on your posts, I know you’ll be an excellent mother.

    Posted on | Reply
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